July 1, 2008

It's Canada's 141st birthday. Sure, we pay high taxes, more for cars and other goods, such as the iPhone -- more for gas, housing, and basic necessities --but it's a good country as far as countries go. There's always room for improvement though: We've had countless years of Liberal governments, a relatively weak military and liberal immigration laws which have allowed some very unsavory types to hide out here. We can't stop squabbling over Quebec and they keep telling us it's only a matter of time, ad nosium. Shuddup, already! We're amiable -- even our national symbol, the beaver, is non-threatening. Other nations have bald eagles, bears and dragons to represent their power. We have a fat rodent to represent our ability to annoy everyone else by building dams and flapping our tails. Yep, that's pretty accurate. We do a lot of flapping here. Oh, and the writing on the cake has to written in both official languages, even though Asian and Punjabe people far outnumber francophones here in beautiful B.C. Meanwhile, the same cake in Quebec has to be in French only. We love hypocrisy in Canada. This is why editorial cartoonists do well here. We are so mild-mannered and afraid to offend that we allow our court system to be hijacked and our stability rocked whenever Quebec does not get its own way. Our answer: pay, pay, pay... appease, appease, appease. So, Happy *%$#ing Birthday, Canada. And don't get me started on the weather.